Sun Induced Delerium

Randomness, Flying Dinosaurs, and Talking Trees

The sun has finally come out and it has fired up my winter-befuddled brain with new and exciting thoughts. That’s right – I’m going to share a few with you.

For example, Tiger Woods is returning to golf. This makes total sense because that is how he makes his living and the endorsements aren’t exactly rolling in right now. I don’t think we can blame him a bit for wanting to get back to something familiar.

Not that I am condoning or even remotely understanding all the stuff (and people) he has done. If you don’t like him now please be sure not to watch him play golf or buy any of the products he still endorses. That is the best and only way to shut down a low-life. Of course, Michael Vick, a man who tortured dogs, is back playing in the NFL so I think I know what direction the public is going to take on the Woods saga.

I foresee an entire new section in book stores though. They ought to have a “Bimbo Section” at Barnes & Noble and other big stores for all the books that his various and sundry mistresses are having other people write for them.

The Bimbo Section would not be restricted to Tiger’s girlfriends. We could include many others – from Bill Clinton’s to that guy that just had to “hike the Appalachian Trail.” Just imagine all the bimbo books that are out there right now awaiting movie deal offers.

Other thoughts jump into my now warming head as the sun makes its trail against the sky. Another example of these solar induced ideas is if everyone agreed NOT to mow their lawns this year then we could all skip a spring and summer doing that hot and onerous chore. Tall grass does not look bad until somebody goes out and mows their grass. Then our tall grass looks terrible. If we all agree to not mow anything this year think of all the spare time, gasoline and heat stroke cases we could save.

Imagine the admiration we would get from the other countries on our globe as they arrive for the World Equestrian Games. We would be the “greenest” area in the United States. Ponder all the ozone we will save by not running our mower engines. Think about the children (who have to mow all summer). Won’t SOMEBODY think about the children?

Continuing my anti-mowing stance, I’d like to mention that we went out and saw the movie Avatar last week. Not one of those tall, green people so much as wacked a weed or trimmed a hedge and they all got to fly dinosaurs. Perhaps if we skip mowing all the grass around here some flying dinosaurs would start living in our area and we could figure out how to ride them.

The people who lived in other areas would go nuts with envy as you calmly flew your flying attack dinosaur into the employee parking lot before work.

In the movie Avatar all the trees talked to each other and got together to defeat those evil, money-making humans. I won’t comment on the Gaia principle here, but I wish to goodness that our trees would talk to each other and get their acts together. If our trees aren’t randomly falling down over power lines, they are shedding needles and leaves at just the wrong time and in all the wrong places.

So – there you have some random, sun-induced thoughts from your trusty columnist:

· Bimbo Section
· Don’t mow your lawn
· Flying your dinosaur to work
· Talkative trees.

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